Dear Negative Thoughts
You’ve been serving me for a long time.
Not necessarily in a good or bad way, but for a long time, anyway. That’s why I remember you.
And that’s exactly the status you have with me now: A memory; an echo. A faded photograph of an old place that’s no longer worth visiting for me.
I think you’re still here because I have a hard time forgetting. Because forgetting would feel like losing an important part of my identity.
I don’t know if that’s right or wrong. Some things are probably fine to remember; others might be inhibitive. I think you’re still around because you’ve felt like part of my identity for long.
But I think it’s time to let go, Negative Thoughts.
I want you to know that I actually love many of the times we’ve shared. The nights where I just stayed at home, drank by myself and listened to my own music have felt amazing. Hell, I might even do it some other time in the future. But at that point, it will be because I genuinely want to; not because I feel safer that way.
And today, I feel safe enough to dare letting you go. I’m sure there’ll be others who’ll take care of you, because they’re at a stage of their lives where you’ll get along. But you and I don’t get along anymore. It’s not that you’re wrong or bad; it’s just that we’ve outgrown each other.
Don’t worry: There’s plenty of need for you out there. The world is a huge place that can easily feel insecure. There’ll always be a lot of people who need someone like you to support themselves. You’re not gonna have trouble finding anyone to take care of you and be much better for you in the long run. I’ve actually seen many of your kind all over the place. In fact, you’re gonna have a ball!
But you and I must go our seperate ways now. I know it’ll be hard for both of us to adjust to the fact that our time together is over. But it needs to be this way for our common good. You’re no longer expressing yourself fully with me, and I no longer need you for support. And so, splitting up is all for the better, no matter how much it hurts.
You can cry if it makes you feel better. Personally, I will no longer be spending my energy mourning, but learning, evolving, and full-out enjoying the recovery of a part of myself which I’ve been without for all too many years. That is, until you and I started drifting apart.
I hereby let you go. And so, it’s only a matter of time until we separate entirely. Because I know how stubborn you are, and how forcefully you hold on. But I’m letting you go now.
We’ll probably be seeing each other around a lot. Hell, it’s practically inevitable, what with all our mutual friends. You’ll probably see me and consider me something unattainable and therefore irritating in all my self-assuredness, determination and optimism. And I’ll probably see you and consider you someone else’s problem, truth be told.
I know there’s a deep discrepancy there, and that it hurts someone like you. But I’ll ask you to respect my choice and accept that it wouldn’t lead to anything durable — much less something at all good — if we were to try and get back together.
Once again, thanks for all the instantly gratifying times. I know there’s probably some phrasings here that might be interpreted as though I’m keeping a door open for reconciliation. Just to make it entirely clear: It’s only you who’s interpreting it that way. You can’t help it; it’s your nature.
But it IS entirely over between you and me. I’m married to Confidence now.