“Behind every problem lies a frustrated dream”.
This fine little quote was coined by English philosopher and consultant Peter Lang. And the way I see it, it neatly sums up a huge part of what not only coaching, but also confidence is all about.
This way of looking at things, Lang calls “positive reframing”. And it simply means to focus on, well, the bright side of life.
Now, I’m betting someone out there will try to think of exceptions to this theory. For example, you might call a broken foot a “problem”. And then what would be the frustrated dream accompanying it?
Well, like I’ve said before, behind everything we do, there’s a certain intention of feeling good. By attaining pleasure, and/or avoiding pain. And in the case of a broken foot, our intention is simply to be able to walk normally, and painlessly.
And of course, in this example, calling the intention a frustrated dream might be a stretch. But that’s not the point. The point is that we’re able to switch our focus from a perceived negative outcome or circumstance to its underlying constructive, positive wish or intention.
Now, on a scale from ‘confident’ to ‘non-fident’, can you guess where a mindset like this might be??
That’s right: The confident thing to do is focus on one’s desired outcome, or goals.
Whatever we focus on tends to grown within our awareness, yeah? Pretty much the definition of focus, right there. So, if we focus on the roadblocks instead of the positive outcome ahead, our lives will become more roadblocks and less positive outcome. Pretty simple, right?
Well, however simple it is, we humans have a sorry tendency to focus on the downside of things. And it’s simply the way our brains are wired. But we have the power to circumvent that way of thinking to our advantage.
Yes: We obviously have to take care of our problems. If you’d kept walking on that aforementioned broken foot, boldly and defiantly ignoring the pain, things’d probably get pretty messy for you anytime soon.
But the point here is to make the outcomes our major focus, not what’s stopping us from attaining it. If we focus on the positive outcome instead of the roadblocks, our lives will become more positive outcome and less roadblocks.
So ask yourself…
What’s my frustrated dream??
Why is it frustrated? What might it take to unravel some of the frustration? And what is it that I really want?